Robin Phillips is a singer, pianist, bandleader, presenter, producer, and educator. After quitting a post-graduate job in PR in 2006, he started to build a full-time career in music, one gig at a time, moving to London before relocating to Cambridge. Robin is the arranger and bandleader of Pinstripe Suit, a speakeasy swing band that has held a residency at the Nightjar speakeasies in London for over a decade. He produced and presented over 100 hours of jazz radio for ‘The Jazz Show With Robin Phillips’ for Deluxe Radio during lockdown. He teaches and mentors children, adults, and groups in voice, piano, jazz harmony, music tech, and band-craft, as well as produces artists in his own recording studio. Robin lives with his wife and their children, aged ten and thirteen, in Cambridge.
UK Jazz News: What is the best advice you received about balancing/juggling parenthood and career?
Robin Phillips: I’m not sure I received any advice about this specifically. I remember two things people did say, however. One was ‘don’t teach your kids music’, which I’ve completely not listened to. I teach both my children piano and am now also working on vocal technique with the 13 yo who is hugely into Musical Theatre. Also, I know how important music lessons are for brain development in children. Secondly, I try to teach music the way I wish I’d been taught and how I’d want my kids to be taught. There was also no way we could justify paying for lessons with someone else when I have the skills to do the job. It’s not been easy and if you asked them they’d probably say they wish they didn’t have to do it. But the positives have been that we can be flexible and change when they happen and that I can help them out when they ask for assistance with their practice. The best thing about it has been seeing them start to enjoy music, sitting down at the piano at will to create some music, or learn a song they are interested in, outside of the grades syllabus. With regards to the examination boards, there is so much more choice now and it is so much easier to help kids get engaged with music. I do teach the ABRSM jazz syllabus to some who specifically want to work on improvisation, but I mostly teach the Trinity syllabus, it has a great mix of classical, jazz, latin, funk, and popular tunes. At the moment kids can learn pop songs and film themes in the early grades. I wish I’d had access to this cross-genre learning when I was younger. I also work on harmony understanding with all my pupils because I just didn’t get this when I was younger.
The second thing was about the positives of being around during the day. Being a professional musician means you miss almost every important occasion of your family and friends and I accepted that when I quit my day job 19 years ago. But it does bring the benefits of being around in the daytime, which becomes especially important when you have kids. In the early months and years I could take some ‘baby night shifts’ after gigs and sleep in the morning. Now they’re both at school, I do a lot of the school runs which can be a great time to chat with them about anything and everything. Then there’s being able to attend parents afternoons/evenings etc. Trying to keep the business bubbling and music moving forwards with the kids at home in the afternoons can be tricky, it used to be my most productive time, 2-6pm before heading out for gigs. But I’m also present for way more mealtimes which we make a point of doing as a family as much as possible, the discussions we have around the dining table are both fascinating and insightful into what’s going on with the kids.
Another benefit the kids are starting to enjoy immensely is having mates in the West End pits!
UKJN: What information or advice do you wish you’d received but didn’t (and had to learn through trial and error or on the go)?
RP: The best thing anyone said to me was ‘the days are long but the years are short’ and I retell this to anyone about to embark on becoming a parent. When you’re in the weeds (and we had a particularly tricky second child sleep-wise) it can feel like it will never end, and that you’ll never be able to focus on being a creative human being ever again. Older musician parents would say they remember being there and now their kids are 20+, both of mine are now into double digits and I can see how true this is. You don’t get any obvious end to different childhood periods, you just suddenly realise you don’t need that bit of child-friendly kit any more, then the buggy goes, now both my kids have mobile phones (with fairly heavy restrictions I might add). I’m in the last year of school runs with my youngest and as hard as it can be getting up to do these as a night owl, I’m trying to enjoy every minute because in one year they will both be taking themselves to school each day.
I would also say, remember to demonstrate your love for music around the kids. I can see now that I am often busy and stressed at home preparing for my musical endeavours and only later have that unbelievably satisfying reward on the bandstand, creating alongside bandmates and sharing the moment with an audience. But sometimes you have to realise that your family doesn’t always get to share this moment and so I try to manage the ‘admin’ stress better and share more of the joy in the house, not always successfully of course.
There is the old saying that goes along the lines of ‘my father was a banker so I was an artist so my child was banker.’
(This is a bit different to the Sam Adams “Our grandfathers were soldiers, so our fathers could be farmers, so we could be artists” quote, although I often reflect on this too with regards to the slaves and those living just after slavery who endured so much for those that would come after them, and they would be the founding jazz musicians who would hand us the music to take care of and develop so many generations down the line.)
But this banker/artist quote is really important to me. The point of it is that the child of a banker sees their parents work hard for security and financial reward, but misses out on so much of the joy of being a part of a family and raising children, and doesn’t get to enjoy nurturing their soul or being a creator of the arts. So they become artists. But then the child of the artist witnesses the struggle of the artist parent so therefore decides that security is more important than chasing the artistic dream so becomes a banker. I really didn’t want my children to make this decision so I try to show them as often as possible how ‘rich’ my life (and nurtured soul) is as a musician.
UKJN: Your top tip(s) for other parents in jazz:
RP: I would say don’t enforce your vocation on your children. If my parents had been ballet dancers for example and tried to get me to appreciate that particular artform over other styles such as street and hip hop dancing it would never have worked for me. Jazz has to be a discovery that comes when you are ready, either from hearing something that blows your mind (I remember that moment for me) or when your own musical progress reaches a point when jazz is the obvious next step to open new creative possibilities (and to swing of course). And for others jazz is a rejection of the mainstream anyway, so the likelihood of your children thinking what you do is so cool they want to get into it themselves is so unlikely when you really think about it.
I always try to say to my kids ‘jazz is the thing that I love, but that doesn’t mean you have to’ and I try to embrace whatever passion they have, musical taste or otherwise just to nurture their love of… anything creative!
However, I also now know that many of our (the UK’s) best jazz musicians are second or even third generation jazzers. It suddenly made so much sense to me how these prodigies had so much deep understanding of the music and were so much further forwards than I was. It keeps happening even now, you discover who someone’s parents were and think ‘ah of course’. But I imagine these are the musicians that were immersed in the music and culture of jazz and its musicianship without it being forced upon them. I’m sure there are many that were pushed in this direction and as a result no longer play. But there’s something else too, when you talk to these musicians they knew early on what ‘the life’ looked like, so went into it open-eyed and ready for what was required to make a living as a professional jazz musician.
Next series ‘children of jazzers in jazz’..?!
UKJN: Travel/gigging/tour-with-child advice. This can be gear or gadget-related, or pertain to approach/what to do/what not to do:
RP: I’m married to a ‘normal’ person and this has been a huge benefit for me with regards to gigging and touring. We’ve never had to work out which of us can go gigging like many musician couples do, or made the decision to take the kids along. It can be a shame because there are moments on tour when you just wish you could share it with them. I’ve been to so many new countries with music in the last 18 months, but the demands of gigging on the road have made any attempts to combine these two worlds fruitless.
I do try and get the kids to experience major events with me such as album launches, and when we do we put all the usual rules on hold, whatever you need to do to keep everyone sane and there in the room. There’s also the negative impact of trying to be your best artistic self and seeing your partner dealing with some issue or other, you end up failing at both without succeeding at either.
Due to this we’ve come to an understanding which is ‘go and do what you do and give 100% (and enjoy it!), but then come back and give us 100%’. My early days gigging away also taught me not to dump the tour pressures on your partner when you do connect. They have so much more to deal with when you’re not there and they do it so you can realise your dream; but they need to know it’s all worth it. I’ve had a couple of tours which were tough and in the end everyone is suffering, so if you do want/need the away trips and tours to be a part of your gigging career, make sure it’s worth it, and let your family know how much you appreciate it.
UKJN: What is one way that figures or structures in the jazz industry could better support parents who are working jazz musicians?
RP: I’m not sure there is. Becoming a parent certainly opened my eyes to the benefits of full-term employment with the support my wife got from the NHS when we started our family. This could lead you to say that the MU could have maternity/paternity support for a short period when a baby is born. But the truth is much of a musician’s income and career is built on momentum, small projects that grow over time and the regular events and venues we work for. So I’m not sure it would be practicable even if the funding was to be made available.
UKJN: What has surprised you about becoming a parent and remaining engaged with your professional activities and ambitions?
RP: I think becoming a parent brings some very important things into clear perspective. For many musicians, our whole life has been dedicated to becoming a fully formed musician, both musically and professionally. It’s not what we do, it’s who we are and every waking minute is given over to it. That sudden realisation that your music is not the most important thing in the world is a big one. Having a wife who works in a major hospital’s NICU department has always helped bring me back down to Earth when frustrations with music threaten to consume me, but having a child does this even more so. But if simply becoming a parent is the most important thing in the world, what was the point in all our efforts to date, and to come? After a while I think everything comes a little more into balance and you realise that to be the best parent you can be, you need to be the best ‘you’ you can be, and that means living a life well-lived (thanks to jazz promotions person Danielle White for that nugget during a lockdown interview); one where you realise your creative passions, and make others happy whilst sharing that passion with them through performance. I think the long game also comes into effect here and you quickly realise your children’s childhood is short, and your life and career are (hopefully) long.
Actually here’s a top tip for pro musicians becoming parents: give yourself longer deadlines, but do something towards them every week/month. I have increased my self-imposed deadlines over the last few years and you realise that you do get there eventually, probably with better quality and results. My latest album has been a five year project.
UKJN: What boundaries have you set for yourself as a parent in jazz (could be related to travel/touring, riders, personal parameters, child care decisions, etc.)?
RP: The main boundary I have set is when considering taking on work that will impact the family: it has to justify itself as truly worthy of the impact it will have on everyone. There are the tried and tested criteria for when to accept a gig and when to let it pass (career, money, the music, the people, the fun). But when kids enter the picture the justification has to be stronger.
The next 10 years for me seem to be working out how to balance the spinning plates and be the best parent I can be whilst being the best and most successful musician I can be.
I’m now at that point of life where as well as welcoming people into the world I’m also sadly saying goodbye to others. This, along with having children, makes you start to consider what your legacy will be, musically and as a parent. You also have to realise that your music doesn’t really matter to most as much as it matters to you, but that you want to leave the best printed version of yourself behind. So, whilst it doesn’t really matter to the world whether you succeed or not (whatever that may mean), it does matter to show your children how to be committed to your endeavours and artforms, whilst also trying to just be there for them. Others will say that being the best version of you enables you to be the best parent for them.
Then of course if your children do become interested and involved in the arts (or any other endeavour for that matter), you have to also strike the balance of completely supporting them whilst trying to support yourself. For some parents who let their own passions fall to one side at some point for one of many possible reasons, going ‘all in’ with their child’s passion is easy to do, and living vicariously through these endeavours can be a wonderful thing for everyone involved. But what if you try to do both..? Where’s the balance..? When does keeping your own commitments encroach on your support of your children’s..? I fear I have more questions than answers, but I do like the various sayings about ‘failing every day as a parent, whilst trying your best, but every day you get up and keep trying none-the-less’..
I also want to say I just couldn’t retain my work alongside my family commitments without the unfailing support of my wife, Sophie, who regularly misses out on things so I can go to work, and the regular childcare support offered by her parents. I owe them all so much.
Robin releases his first originals album in over twenty years in Spring 2025 and the next single is out on 26 November 2024 – with the participation of London’s Soul Sanctuary Gospel Choir. “Return To The Source” was inspired by Robin’s 2019 road-trip from Chicago to New Orleans on a Harley to better understand the history of jazz music. The trip also resulted in the award-winning documentary ‘Back To The Source’.
(*) Parents in Jazz was started (first as ‘Mothers In Jazz’) by vocalist Nicky Schrire in August 2022. The initiative aims to create an online resource for working jazz musicians with children, those contemplating parenthood, and jazz industry figures who work with and hire musicians who are parents. The insight of the musicians interviewed for this series provides valuable emotional, philosophical and logistical information and support that is easily accessible to all. “Parents In Jazz” shines a light on the very specific role of being both a parent and a performing jazz musician.
