Drummer John Alvey has been a regular of the Nashville jazz scene and roots music scene for a decade. He can be found playing in different musical incarnations in Nashville or on the road and has worked with Joel Frahm, Jeff Coffin, Sierra Hull, and many others. John lives in Nashville with his wife, violinist Melanie Alvey, and their children, aged nine and five.
UK Jazz News: What is the best advice you received about balancing/juggling parenthood and career?
John Alvey: “You only get one life.” I’ve recently moved into a new perspective of lessening my hustle some, and instead I’m taking this time to spend more quality time with my kids while being more mindful and aware. The culture of self-employment cannot be fully separated from a hustle culture, but it can be compartmentalized some, and I’ve learned that certain small career sacrifices can be to my benefit as a human being. When discussing this delicate balance with my wife recently (who is also a full time musician), her response was “You only get one life.” I’ve been thinking a lot about that response. It instantly causes you to assign value to what is important to you in this whole human experience, not just in your music career. It’s great at diffusing work and career expectations and giving yourself permission to just live sometimes. And most of the time, that living is in the simple but beautiful everyday experiences with your children and family. I’ve accepted that the balance between work and family will always be a work in progress, but I’ve been leaning away from living in burn-out (which I became too comfortable with), and instead I’ve become a more balanced human being, seeing the finitude of my own life and that of my family. And for me this balance is achieved by spending a little more time with our family in the moment even when it doesn’t feel convenient work-wise. Only recently, through mindfulness, I’ve become better at being fully present in these moments with my wife and children. You only get one life.
UKJN: What information or advice do you wish you’d received but didn’t (and had to learn through trial and error or on the go)?
JA: Having an organized house and music space can make the transition from parenthood to work life so much easier. This took us a long time to figure out. The ability to close a door and be ready to work immediately when an idea hits you is invaluable to my work life. My wife is also a self-employed musician (violinist), and we have worked hard creating systems in our house so that we can go easily between work and parenthood, with all the expected interruptions that happen throughout the day while recording from home, teaching, or practicing. Even the organization and elimination of too many kid’s toys and clutter has been important in achieving this. We want to utilize time instead of constantly cleaning and picking up. Something as obvious as organization and getting rid of excess has made all the difference to us.
UKJN: Your top tip(s) for other parents in jazz:
JA: If possible, make a strong, consistent plan for childcare. We have two children (9 and 5) and like most parents who are musicians and subsequently have fluctuating schedules, nailing down consistent childcare is one of the biggest challenges. We have decided to make our house our home base for childcare, so that we have babysitters come to us rather than using a daycare or dropoff. We have worked to find babysitters who live as close to us as possible, (some in our neighborhood even), and we have a few who show up at a regular time every week and a few who are more the on-call type. This variety has helped us to navigate our changing schedules. My wife also teaches private students out of our house, and we have just begun homeschooling our two children. With our home base all in one place, going out to gig and coming home becomes easier and more fluid with childcare.
UKJN: Travel/gigging/tour-with-child advice. This can be gear or gadget-related, or pertain to approach/what to do/what not to do:
JA: Most of my tours right now are short fly dates (for a few days only), so I’m not taking our children on the road with me. However, my wife and I take our children to see each other’s local gigs when we can, and it’s such an affirming, fun activity as a family. I want our children to be a part of our musical life and form core memories of communing around music as a family.
UKJN: What is one way that figures or structures in the jazz industry could better support parents who are working jazz musicians?
JA: One thing I will say on this, is that sometimes as a parent who is a jazz musician, you feel a bit on an island; as there aren’t many other parents in jazz that I know in my community (which is why this column is so needed and helpful). Musician parents need a place to learn from each other and share ideas. Also, raising children is obviously expensive and playing jazz hasn’t ever historically paid as well as other professions or even other styles of music. I hope there is a push in our jazz community, with our global voices, to make sure that our pay keeps up with the rest of the world in a changing economy. We as musicians shouldn’t be making the same amount of gig money we made a few years ago, just because there was an understood standard that existed for a long time in a better economy than we are in now. The post Covid landscape is different, and this should be reflected in how much promoters, club owners, and restaurants pay us to play. This will keep our careers as jazz musicians suitable for us as parents and providers for our children.
UKJN: What has surprised you about becoming a parent and remaining engaged with your professional activities and ambitions?
JA: Although things take a lot longer to get done, they somehow always get done. I can’t depend on work time like I used to. As an example, last week I had to pick up my daughter from a once a week home school tutorial program because she wasn’t feeling well, and I ended up losing most of my only all day practice and work day that I have during the week. I just accepted it and got what little I could get done. I’m learning to not react so much when these things happen. It will get done. Now does this mean taking on less than I used to before kids? Yes, I have to accept this. But what I have committed to will get done. It always does.
UKJN: What boundaries have you set for yourself as a parent in jazz (could be related to travel/touring, riders, personal parameters, child care decisions, etc.)?
JA: Right now, my wife and I aren’t touring much. We have preferred to work more in our community here in Nashville during this stage of our children’s lives. If an opportunity arises for a tour or a big opportunity, my wife and I know to talk things over in detail before deciding. Certain things we’ve taken, and other things we have turned down. These are decisions we always make together. We also have the understanding that if a really important musical opportunity presents itself (especially an opportunity of great personal fulfillment), we will find a way to make it work for each other, even if it’s challenging.
John’s new quintet/sextet album “Loft Glow” was released Aug 23, 2024 on Jazz Music City records. John dedicated “Loft Glow” to the recently passed Benny Golson, whose musical influence was the genesis for the album. Featuring Joel Frahm, Roland Barber, Jovan Quallo, Matt Endahl, and Jacob Jezioro.
(*) Parents in Jazz was started (first as ‘Mothers In Jazz’) by vocalist Nicky Schrire in August 2022. The initiative aims to create an online resource for jazz industry professionals with children, those contemplating parenthood, and jazz industry figures who work with and hire musicians who are parents. The insight of the musicians and administrators interviewed for this series provides valuable emotional, philosophical and logistical information and support that is easily accessible to all. “Parents In Jazz” shines a light on the very specific role of being both a parent and a performing jazz musician or jazz arts professional.
