Dorothy Lawson is a Canadian-born cellist and a founding member of acclaimed string quartet ETHEL and a longtime member of the Ron Carter Nonet. She has performed with the Orpheus Chamber Orchestra, the White Oak Dance Project, Philharmonia Virtuosi, the American Symphony Orchestra, the Toronto Symphony Orchestra and numerous new music ensembles. Dorothy completed degrees at the University of Toronto, the Vienna Academy and earned MM and DMA degrees from The Juilliard School. She teaches in the Preparatory Division of Mannes College at the New School in New York City. Dorothy lives in New York and has two children, Fiona (26) and Jesse (22).
UK Jazz News: What is the best advice you received about balancing/juggling parenthood and career?
Dorothy Lawson: At that time, I didn’t really have a clear role model, or much advice, in working through the parenting-to-career balance. I was trying to make the best decisions I could, as it unfolded. In fact, the older women in my life were always asking me, “How do you do it?” And the men were giving me career advice.
UKJN: What information or advice do you wish you’d received but didn’t (and had to learn through trial and error or on the go)?
DL: I wish someone could have warned me, that having children as an older person (I was almost 40) would mean, the grandparents wouldn’t be as active or available, and that they would begin to need help, themselves, at a time when the children would be absorbing huge amounts of care and attention.
Another lesson I learned the hard way was, to make time and build practices to look after the relationship between you and your partner, the parents. Check in with each other regularly, and get away to rest and renew. Children change everything in your lives, and in the relationship, even when they are happy and healthy!
UKJN: Your top tip(s) for other parents in jazz:
DL: Honor yourselves for the work you are putting in, showing up day after day, both for your professional life and relationships, and for the family. It might feel like nobody else truly sees it or understands, but you are, in fact, heroic. Raising the tide, and the future, for all. Our cultures leave it largely in the parents’ laps, to support and fund the next generations, when this effectively amounts to repopulating the world. It is enormously expensive – also, enormously rewarding. Younger people, everywhere, are opting not to do it, in the interest of greater personal opportunity. There is no absolutely right choice, but grant yourself patience and pride, that you have taken a remarkable and heroic path!
UKJN: Travel/gigging/tour-with-child advice. This can be gear or gadget-related, or pertain to approach/what to do/what not to do:
DL: I did some touring with my first, when she was still in-arms. It seemed best, to maintain the close attachment (including breast-feeding). At first, my husband was able to come along, as well. Later, I had a regular nanny, and even engaged her teenage daughter to help me on the road. Once we had a home circuit of playmates, playgrounds, and finally, preschool, I left them to keep this intact. My advice would be, watch your child, their attachment style/preferences/challenges, and respect that, as you consider your own opportunities. The more solid their confidence is in a world that takes their needs into consideration, the kinder, more generous, and more forgiving they will be, of the impacts they will necessarily feel. Treat them as you would wish to be treated, yourself, and remember, you are modeling your behavior to them, in every word and gesture. They are always watching and learning, and will ultimately be experts at you.
UKJN: What is one way that figures or structures in the jazz industry could better support parents who are working jazz musicians?
DL: I would recommend a general practice of recognizing, and inviting public appreciation, of people on the bandstand who are showing up to perform, while accomplishing all the acts of parenting at home. It might offer helpful encouragement to the individuals. It could also become a regular awareness, encouraging empathy and respect in the audience, that we treat as normal and essential. Pointing our parenthood as a contribution to society could become a shared attitude. It might help shape public programs, labor agreements and resources.
UKJN: What has surprised you about becoming a parent and remaining engaged with your professional activities and ambitions?
DL: The single biggest surprise I had, about insisting on maintaining my career and personal goals was, how much less time and energy I needed to spend on my core skills than I had needed to build them. I may have lost a certain edge, but certainly had all I needed, and was able to continue learning new materials more efficiently. I have heard this reflected from many other parent-performers. One put it rather brilliantly: “Before I had a child, I had no idea how much free time I had. Before I had my second child, I had no idea how much free time I had.”
UKJN: What boundaries have you set for yourself as a parent in jazz (could be related to travel/touring, riders, personal parameters, child care decisions, etc.)?
DL: I decided long ago not to think about myself as selfish or flawed for looking after my own self-esteem. Not to project to my children that there was something wrong about my being away at times. Not to project that they were missing something. Rather, I was someone of whom they could be proud, of whose life they were a precious part, who would work furiously and continuously on their behalf, no matter from where. Keeping their world steady came first. But I trusted the people to whom I entrusted their care, and treated those as treasured allies. It does “take a village,” and that can become a larger web of love and support, for all!
(*) Parents in Jazz was started (first as ‘Mothers In Jazz’) by vocalist Nicky Schrire in August 2022. The initiative aims to create an online resource for jazz industry professionals with children, those contemplating parenthood, and jazz industry figures who work with and hire musicians who are parents. The insight of the musicians and administrators interviewed for this series provides valuable emotional, philosophical and logistical information and support that is easily accessible to all. “Parents In Jazz” shines a light on the very specific role of being both a parent and a performing jazz musician or jazz arts professional.
