Cat Toren is a pianist, improviser and composer, originally from North Vancouver, Canada. A JUNO Award-winner and Western Canadian Music Award-winner, she has performed throughout North America and been commissioned by the Cassatt String Quartet and the nonet, Orkestra Futura. Most recently, Kat was awarded a Chamber Music of America grant to study with Wadada Leo Smith. She lives in Brooklyn, NY, with her husband and their two children, aged nine months and four years old.
UK Jazz News: What is the best advice you received about balancing/juggling motherhood and career?
Cat Toren: “Don’t worry. People will still call you.” I knew it was my own anxiety thinking my career would fall apart, but it was nice to hear from other musician mothers that it won’t.
UKJN: What information or advice do you wish you’d received but didn’t (and had to learn through trial and error or on the go)?
CT: Mothering and taking care of the household is a full time job. To continue your career, you need to offload some of that work whether it be sharing the extra load between a partner (this will still feel like a lot), childcare, hiring a cleaner, or help from family. You can only practice your instrument “when the baby sleeps” for so long before it feels like you’re not getting your needs met. You might feel emotional if you choose the childcare route; you will miss your baby. That is normal. Practicing your artistic craft will ground you and help you remember who you are apart from being a (great) Mom.
If you’re gigging in the evenings, you’ll be tired. If you love performing, it will fill your cup and you will march on. Say yes to things that fill your cup!
Some weeks will be hard. Breathe and make lists. Enjoy your accomplishments. Some weeks will be pure joy.
UKJN: Your top tip(s) for other mothers in jazz:
CT: If possible, have a plan for childcare before the baby is born. It can always be adjusted. For example, “I will take X months off work and then have childcare X hours a week”. As a mostly self-employed musician, I struggled over what balance to strike. I worried about spending money and missing my baby. I tried squeezing in practice time in short spaces whenever I had a moment, but that took an emotional toll on me. It also affected my ability to rest, rejuvenate and sleep at night. Additionally, if the sitter arrives and you don’t practice, it’s ok. Think of the big picture. Once the sitter arrived and we just chatted and she taught me to french braid hair. Follow your joy.
UKJN: Travel/gigging/tour-with-child advice. This can be gear or gadget-related, or pertain to approach/what to do/what not to do:
CT: I’ve only brought my child(ren) along on work trips to places where I already knew people who could babysit them. I’ve found, in general, I can prepare for performances much better when I am without my children. Whenever possible I plan a trip in advance and have a grandparent come stay while I am away. For those traveling with kids who are 3+, it may be helpful to know about the RideSafer travel vest that can substitute for a car seat and fits in a backpack.
UKJN: What is one way that figures or structures in the jazz industry could better support parents who are working jazz musicians?
CT: Venues and recording studios should be enthusiastically willing to help find an appropriate area for a breastfeeding/pumping parent. Ideally they are prepared for the question.
UKJN: What has surprised you about becoming a parent and remaining engaged with your professional activities and ambitions?
CT: I was surprised when a friend of mine started inviting me to jam sessions at his house and he invited my toddler to join (she was not in full time daycare). She was of course a little difficult to manage. Sometimes I’d be playing and she would be crawling on my lap. But he kept asking us to come and all the musicians were very sweet with her. One wrote a song for her. We all formed a little bond. She would play with toys under our music. I don’t often mix my mom and pianist roles and I found it so special and I am grateful to my friend.
UKJN: What boundaries have you set for yourself as a mother in jazz (could be related to travel/touring, riders, personal parameters, child care decisions, etc.)?
CT: Boundaries are still a work in progress. Every work situation is unique so blanket boundaries don’t exactly work for me. I am working on knowing my limits. For example: If you are handed a composition to learn in X amount of time, make sure you actually have the time to learn it. Everything takes twice as long when you’re a parent of young kids. Sometimes you have to pull all nighters to get the work done you agreed to do but as I said before, say yes to things that fill your cup 🙂 And don’t be shy to say no.
(*) Parents in Jazz was started (first as ‘Mothers In Jazz’) by vocalist Nicky Schrire in August 2022. The initiative aims to create an online resource for jazz industry professionals with children, those contemplating parenthood, and jazz industry figures who work with and hire musicians who are parents. The insight of the musicians and administrators interviewed for this series provides valuable emotional, philosophical and logistical information and support that is easily accessible to all. “Parents In Jazz” shines a light on the very specific role of being both a parent and a performing jazz musician or jazz arts professional.
