Ulysses Owens Jr. is a drummer, educator and producer.
As a bandleader, he has performed internationally and recorded albums with big bands and smaller ensembles. His most recent album, “A New Beat”, features his Generation Y quintet and is modelled on bands like Art Blakey and the Jazz Messengers. Generation Y celebrates the importance of mentorship within jazz and the arts at large and is reflective of Ulysses work on faculty at The Juilliard School of Music in New York City. His sideman work includes collaborating with Kurt Elling and Christian McBride, amongst others. Ulysses splits his time between Jacksonville, Florida and New York City, and he has a two year-old son.
UK Jazz News: What is the best advice you received about balancing/juggling parenthood and career?
Ulysses Owens Jr: It was from Kurt Elling. Since I joined his band in 2009, he has been raising his daughter Luiza with his wife Jennifer. Now they are raising their son AJax. I watched Kurt get off the road and be exhausted leaving the airport, and I would say, “Man, are you going home to jump into bed?” He would say, “Heck no, I gotta dive in and help Jennifer and take Luiza to school. I gotta be present when I am home and fully engaged.”
I learned that no matter how tired I am when I get off the road, I need to dive in and immediately assist my son’s mother because she holds it down for me to be on the road.
UKJN: What information or advice do you wish you’d received but didn’t (and had to learn through trial and error or on the go)?
UOJ: I wish someone would have told me to save money when I was single for the purpose of costs related to having children in the future; not just for projects. There were years where I could have done micro – investing for any costs now associated with my son.
It’s important to speak to other musicians about parenting and how we integrate that with our lives. It’s so many people dealing with the same issues so speaking to others about this makes it easier. I had some great conversations with Jeremy Pelt recently while on tour in Los Angeles. It was so affirming to speak to someone who has children and still has more to say as an artist. There’s nothing like speaking offline about the challenges that can arise being jazz musicians and parents, and how best to navigate that terrain.
UKJN: Your top tip(s) for other parents in jazz:
UOJ: You can’t stop your career for your kids because they need the resources you create from having a career. You just have to adjust the pace by how you move within your career. Create boundaries with your schedule for your kids, otherwise there will always be a reason to take more work and be away from them. Though you need to keep the career going, your child needs you and should be your first priority, so it’s a constant balancing act. You need to create a village of folks to support you so you also are taking care of yourself. If you are a mess, there is very little you can give to your child.
Work like hell when they are asleep and at school! Also I had to cut the fat with extra things I committed my time to because I don’t have a lot of leisure time anymore.
UKJN: What is one way that figures or structures in the jazz industry could better support parents who are working jazz musicians?
UOJ: it would be amazing if there were child care resources attached to venues for parents that want to travel with their children, but that’s a broad request and very difficult.
UKJN: What has surprised you about becoming a parent and remaining engaged with your professional activities and ambitions?
UOJ: I became more ambitious and clear about my desires in my career when my son arrived on the planet. Because he immediately became my “why” behind everything that I do. Also the way my family and my son’s mother supports me to continue to thrive and create and build my career is amazing. I always had this fear that I had to “settle down,” when I had a kid.
Also, things really have opened up for me since I have had a kid, it’s like more people including the universe conspires on my behalf to make sure I have what I need to take care of my son.
UKJN: What boundaries have you set for yourself as a parent in jazz (could be related to travel/touring, riders, personal parameters, child care decisions, etc.)?
UOJ: I will not go more than a week without being near my son. If I have to be out longer (I haven’t traveled longer than 10 days since his birth) then I would have my family help me bring him with me on the road. I refuse to just take consistent opportunities that keep me from him for extended periods of time. That’s why I literally fly home every weekend, even though it’s expensive, I never want my son to feel that I am far from him and not present. I don’t want my son to feel that I am some distant person, and I want to be engaged fully in his life. All the daycare staff and teachers plus doctors know who I am and that’s important to me.
Plus, his mother and I co-parent because we aren’t together romantically anymore. So it’s important to us that he still experiences the collaborative love and togetherness even though we have chosen different romantic paths for our Individual lives. We also communicate a lot and we believe that the love we have for him should be the most important thing and it factors into all of our decisions for him.
(*) Parents in Jazz was started (first as ‘Mothers In Jazz’) by vocalist Nicky Schrire in August 2022. The initiative aims to create an online resource for jazz industry professionals with children, those contemplating parenthood, and jazz industry figures who work with and hire musicians who are parents. The insight of the musicians and administrators interviewed for this series provides valuable emotional, philosophical and logistical information and support that is easily accessible to all. “Parents In Jazz” shines a light on the very specific role of being both a parent and a performing jazz musician or jazz arts professional.
