Over the course of a multifaceted career spanning four decades, Grammy and Tony Award-winning Jazz giant Dee Dee Bridgewater has ascended to the upper echelon of vocalists, putting her unique spin on standards, as well as taking intrepid leaps of faith in re-envisioning jazz classics. A multi-hyphenate polymath and fearless voyager, explorer, pioneer and keeper of tradition, the three-time Grammy-winner’s career has always bridged musical genres. She earned her first professional experience as a member of the legendary Thad Jones/Mel Lewis Big Band, and throughout the 70’s she performed with such jazz notables as Max Roach, Sonny Rollins, Dexter Gordon and Dizzy Gillespie. In 2019, Bridgewater launched The Woodshed Network, a non-profit partnership with 651 Arts created to mentor, connect, support, and educate women in Jazz, for which she serves as Artistic Director with lead support by the Doris Duke Charitable Foundation. Dee Dee has three adult children-Tulani Bridgewater, China Moses and Gabriel Durand.
UK Jazz News: What is the best advice you received about balancing/juggling motherhood and career?
Dee Dee Bridgewater: I didn’t receive any advice about motherhood and juggling a career. When I was coming up, it was just something that one did. If one decided that one wanted to have a career, be an entertainer and have children, one just worked it out. I did sit down once with Ella Fitzgerald in 1984. I already had my children and I was already taking them all over with me. She told me that her biggest regret was that she hadn’t taken her son, Ray Brown Junior, with her when she traveled. And she said, “I hope that you will do that”. And I shared with her that that was what I was already doing. But I never got that kind of advice when I was growing up and starting out in the industry.
I had Tulani at 22 so that was in 1972. It was another time period. I just took my kids with me and I would sing. For example, Tulani’s father, Cecil Bridgewater, and I didn’t make enough money to hire a babysitter. So I would bring her to the Village Vanguard in her little stroller. That was kind of like a bed. And the hatcheck girl would watch her while I would sing, and then I’d go and get her up, perform and take her in the kitchen because there was no dressing room at the Village Vanguard. I don’t think there still is. And so we shared the kitchen with the cook. And the servers coming in to pick up the food order. We did what we had to do. And I remember telling other singers around my age who wanted to have kids, “You’ve got to figure out how to do what you want to do.” I’ve always thought that. If you want something bad enough, you’ll work it out. You’ll figure out a way to make things work.
UKJN: What did you find to be the most challenging and the most rewarding things about taking your children on tour with you?
DDB: Well, it was always rewarding when my kids would travel with me. I mean, it depended on, you know, what the particular situation was, but it was always rewarding having them with me, um, and them being able to experience what their mother did and exposing them to different cultures. This happened more when I had moved to Paris, France, and that was from 1986 until I left in 2010.
It can be a challenge when you’re traveling with a child and you’ve got your gift to do. But I always found ways to work it out. As I became more successful, I was able to hire people to accompany me and to take care of my kids. So they would do that while I would perform. I’ve always been fascinated with people when they’re like, “How did you do it?” How do you do anything? How do you have a 9 to 5 job and have children? You put them in daycare. If you can’t afford daycare, you figure it out.
UKJN: If someone was to ask you today for advice, aside from the advice that if you want something, you’ll figure out a way to make it work, is there any other information that you would share with another musician who was either thinking about becoming a mom, or was pregnant, or had just become a mom?
DDB: Well, I say to young people who are in the process of deciding if they want to have a child or not that you’ve got to know it’s going to change your life, and you’re not going to just be thinking about what you’re going to do for yourself, but you’re going to have to include this small person that is now dependent on you. So you’ve got to know that your time is not going to be your own. You’re going to have to make the proper accommodations for that small person, but it can be the biggest blessing in your life. You’ve got to be ready to give up the “me” in you and get ready for the “we” in you.
Having a child is a huge decision for anyone, no matter what their walk of life. Imagine all these women that have children and they are impoverished and they still have children. How do they do it? I can maybe be a little harsh with young people because I don’t have time for this kind of whining, “I don’t know what to do.” Hopefully, you’ll figure it out. If you want a career, you figure that part out. If you want a child, you figure it out. If you want a relationship, you figure it out.
I also advise young parents to teach their children how to be self-sufficient. How to take care of their own rooms, how to participate in the chores in the house, how to learn how to cook, how to wash and iron your clothes. All of that. Getting a job. My kids were out getting jobs when they were 14 because I wanted them to know what they had to do.
I didn’t do it with my son. He was born 20 years after Tulani and 14 years after China when I was well-off. So I had nannies and people cleaning the house because I was touring a lot. So when he would come our, I either had his paternal grandmother or I had someone on the road with me. Or if I had to leave him at home, I had a nanny or a service that I used. So he grew up kinda with the silver spoon in his mouth, so to speak. I had more difficulty with him, getting him to be self-sufficient. I did put him in a boarding school for the last 3 years of high school where he did learn how to take care of his room, etc. But getting him to get a job was much more difficult because he’d seen me as “Dee Dee Bridgewater” the celebrity, especially when I was in France. He just thought things were going to be given to him. So he’s had a more difficult time than my daughters coming into his own.
UKJN: What has surprised you about becoming a parent and remaining engaged with your professional activities and ambitions?
DDB: The surprising thing for me is that all three of my children have come out okay. They’ve gone on to be wonderfully productive individuals. I was married three times and I have a child with each one of my previous husbands. So my children are half sisters and brothers. I’m just very grateful that I’ve been able to foster within them a sense of a complete sibling bond, where they feel like they are full brothers and sisters. I’m just very pleased with how things have come out and that they are all well-balanced individuals and productive individuals and creative individuals and they all move to the beat of their own drum.They are each unique people and I have wonderful relationships with all three of my children. You know, and each relationship is completely different from the other because we are three individuals.
UKJN: Of course there is always nature, but in terms of nurture, is there anything you recall doing, specifically, that resulted in them being great kids and now adults?
DDB: I accepted their individuality, I fostered it, I encouraged it. And I insisted that they behave in a particular way and that they learn respect for others. I give tough love for people in general and, especially now, I don’t have time for any BS.
I would just say, Nicky, in general, and I’m sure you found this out, it’s about planning. It’s about structure. You know you have to plan. You can’t just wake up and say I’m going to go out and then hope that other people are going to be there and help you out along the way. It’s your responsibility to plan your life and the life of your children so that there is order. I believe in order. I can’t function without order. Even as they were growing up, arranging extracurricular activities after school, I figured out how to do what I needed to do to make it work. Also, you cannot be a narcissist and be a parent. Or at least not a good one.
UKJN: What boundaries have you set for yourself as a mother in jazz (could be related to travel/touring, riders, personal parameters, child care decisions, etc.)?
DDB: I set parameters with my children. There were a lot of do’s and dont’s. They could not infringe upon the time that I needed to prepare and learn music and that sort of thing. But what I would do and even just traveling and being on an airplane, I would take books and games and things for them to do on the plane so that they would be entertained. I watched my children. I learned each of them as individuals so that I knew what they required as individuals, and I did not tolerate disruptive behavior.
Life is what we make it. So if you don’t want your life to be a particular way then you’ve got to set about doing the things you need to do to correct that.
(*) Mothers in Jazz was started by vocalist Nicky Schrire. The initiative aims to create an online resource for working jazz musicians with children, those contemplating parenthood, and jazz industry figures who work with and hire musicians who are parents. The insight of the musicians interviewed for this series provides valuable emotional, philosophical and logistical information and support that is easily accessible to all. “Mothers In Jazz” shines a light on the very specific role of being both a mother and a performing jazz musician.
LINKS: Artist website
The complete archive of Nicky Schrire’s Mothers in Jazz series
