Nicky Schrire is a British-South African vocalist and songwriter, and the founder of the “Mothers In Jazz” (*) series as published on LondonJazz News/ UK Jazz News. She thought it was about time she answered her own questions and shared some of what she’s learned in her first two years of motherhood. Nicky has collaborated with musicians including Gerald Clayton, Fabian Almazan, Nikki Iles, and Ben Wendel, with performances at the 2023 Toronto International Jazz Festival, Jazz at Lincoln Centre, and the 2018 Cape Town International Jazz Festival. She is on faculty at the University of Toronto and she now lives in Toronto with her husband and their two year-old child.
UK Jazz News: What is the best advice you received about balancing/juggling motherhood and career?
Nicky Schrire: When I was about 24 weeks pregnant, I was fortunate to interview a gathering of jazz musician mums during my tenure as host of The Jazz Session podcast. Linda May Han Oh spoke about how younger babies are pretty adaptable and easier to travel with than toddlers (or older). Zoe Rahman spoke about how motherhood has enriched her musical life. Lina Nyberg spoke about how she juggles childcare with her musician husband, opting to tour without her teenage child. This conversation was a trove of information about how mothers in our community get things done. It may not be in the way they imagined, or it may be bloody challenging and feel near impossible at times, but there is a way if you can be open to improvising, adapting, and adjusting expectations. It makes me quite sad that my answer to this question isn’t “I was speaking to another mum musician at a gig and she gave me great advice” but I suppose virtual cooler talk is better than no cooler talk at all.
UKJN: What information or advice do you wish you’d received but didn’t (and had to learn through trial and error or on the go)?
NS: I wish someone had told me how long recovery and re-emergence can take. There’s the physical recovery-a process seldom discussed, filled with moments spent wincing as you repeatedly hoist yourself up onto tender sit bones to learn how to breastfeed. There’s the emotional recovery-you are forever changed, with a new identity, distracted by who you were and who you are now. There are the high highs and the low lows, the ever-changing hormones as your body caters to your baby’s needs and wants. And then, finally, you get the itch to return to your work. Not your work as a mother, but your work as a musician-the call to compose, the desire to practise, the want to collaborate. And you realise it’s not that simple and it might take even more time than you thought. Motherhood is everything, everywhere, all at once. Quite literally.
UKJN: Your top tip(s) for other mothers in jazz:
NS: Read the interviews in this series. And not because I created the series, but because for most of the interviewees, these windows into motherhood and music did not exist when they were pregnant and terrified, or in the throes of the fourth trimester, or wrestling with a toddler, or trying to support their teenager. Make use of these offerings, and don’t be shy to email or talk to musician mothers about parenthood. People are more generous with their wisdom than we expect. Especially fellow mothers.
UKJN: Baby/child gear tips for travel/touring/gigging:
NS: I don’t care what people say, the Babyzen YOYO stroller fits in EVERY overhead compartment on a plane (not just some of them). Buy it secondhand off Facebook Marketplace or similar and make sure it has the holes for car seat adapters. That way you can travel with a stroller and a compatible baby car seat. Babies and toddlers really don’t need tons of toys on a flight or in transit. Travel light. For those on solids, take lots of snacks. A friend introduced me to the GoBe Kids Snack Spinner and it’s excellent for snacks on-the-go. A change of clothes for you and the child is a must. Any small items for sleep association are great-they create some familiarity and consistency when sleeping in a foreign place. We take our HoMedics white noise machine and our small MediAcous night light with us (this light also happens to be my go-to gift for new parents!).
UKJN: Best general travel/gigging/tour-with-child advice:
NS: I first toured with my baby at 4-months postpartum. I was so fortunate that my husband worked remotely and could come with us. But, it was bloody tough. Our breastfed babe went through a stint of bottle refusal the week I went back to gigging. The experience of breastfeeding in the back of an Uber, husband in tow, on the way to a live-to-air gig at Jazz.FM91 in Toronto and singing with a postpartum voice (i.e. unpracticed, physically weak, foreign to me) will haunt me forever.
In hindsight it was too soon, but at the time I wanted to sing again so badly and felt it was a case of ripping off the bandaid. Following this gig, we ventured east to Montreal where I’d been asked to sing as a sideman. Most bandleading vocalists will tell you what a thrill it is to be booked as a sideman. I couldn’t refuse the opportunity. Sure, it meant leaping off stage mid-soundcheck to meet a wailing baby and a flustered husband in the parking lot to breastfeed. It meant singing the first set totally distracted by whether or not the baby was asleep or wailing for milk (the baby fell asleep, thank God, and the second set was more enjoyable).
Now that we’re out of infancy, I don’t take my child with me on tour. I love being a mother. I love being a musician. I enjoy both very little when they are competing with one another. I am better at my job and I have a better time doing it when I’m not distracted by my child being nearby. I love having my child at daytime, outdoor-stage style gigs. But I’d rather leave my baby at home with my husband for a night or two if I need to travel for work.
UKJN: What has surprised you about becoming a parent and remaining engaged with your professional activities and ambitions?
NS: I’ve always been very goal-driven, ramping up practising or getting my ducks in a row in a short amount of time as a deadline looms large. But I’ve gotten even more efficient at working in this manner since having a child. Gian Slater once used the term “time poor” in an interview. I think about that phrase daily. My time is no longer my own even with slithers of efficiency. It’s hard to understand exactly how true this is for parents until you become one.
I was also surprised that the further I got away from having given birth, the easier it was to control my instrument again. I’ve always known that hormones will sweep your voice out from under you, but the hormones that accompany pregnancy and postpartum really affected my ability to feel like my instrument was my own. I suppose the equivalent for other instruments could be what Linda May Han Oh wrote about once. She posted on Facebook about ligaments in her hands and arms loosening postpartum and how that challenged her ability to build up her playing again after having her baby.
UKJN: What boundaries have you set for yourself as a mother in jazz (could be related to travel/touring, riders, personal parameters, child care decisions, etc.)?
NS: Someone the other day asked me why I don’t gig more. I am very careful to be efficient and also to conserve energy. I am fortunate enough to have two day jobs (outside of being a mum-without a doubt the best part of my day). I don’t want to play for the sake of playing nor do I have the energy. It’s a case of quality over quantity. So I don’t waste energy hustling for certain gigs now that I’m a mum. My career isn’t where I’d like it to be and if I didn’t have a child, I would be throwing savings at it and hustling harder and trying to speed things up. However, given that I have a child, all I can really do is chip away at things slowly and enjoy the process as best I can. One day my baby will be older and less dependent on me, and those gigs I’ve yet to play or those opportunities I’ve yet to grab, will still be out there, ripe for the picking (if I still want to chase them down!).
Nicky’s new album “Nowhere Girl” was released in June 2023 (Anzic Records). Produced by Oded Lev-Ari, it features some of Canada’s finest musicians-drummer Ernesto Cervini, pianist Chris Donnelly, bassist Dan Fortin, guest vocalist Laila Biali and Mozambican guitarist Julio Sigauque.
(*) Mothers in Jazz was started by vocalist Nicky Schrire. The initiative aims to create an online resource for working jazz musicians with children, those contemplating parenthood, and jazz industry figures who work with and hire musicians who are parents. The insight of the musicians interviewed for this series provides valuable emotional, philosophical and logistical information and support that is easily accessible to all. “Mothers In Jazz” shines a light on the very specific role of being both a mother and a performing jazz musician.
LINKS: Artist website
The complete archive of Nicky Schrire’s Mothers in Jazz series
