María Kim Grand is a Swiss-Argentinian tenor saxophonist and composer. She moved to New York in 2011 and quickly became the protégée of legendary musicians such as Billy Harper, and Antoine Roney, as well as NEA Jazz Master Von Freeman. María has performed with musicians such as Vijay Iyer, Steve Coleman, Mary Halvorson, Jen Shyu, and Aaron Parks, among others. She leads the ensemble DiaTribe and has toured Europe, the United States, and South America, as both a leader and ensemble member, playing in clubs and concert halls, and at festivals. María splits her time between Switzerland, New York and Guatemala and has a four-year old son.
UK Jazz News: What is the best advice you received about balancing/juggling motherhood and career?
María Kim Grand: Actually, I received almost no advice. Maybe I’m too hard-headed, I don’t know. I was 28 years old when my son was born. Some people asked if he was a surprise and no, he wasn’t, he was a very desired child. I love children and I’ve always considered motherhood a part of my life path, but I can remember almost no advice because no one in my generation had children yet; and the few older women I knew who had children didn’t say much. I’m okay with how it went; I was really intent on doing things my own way anyways. It’s also possible I forgot. I do remember Ingrid Jensen and her husband told me they took their baby on the road; it always just seemed a normal possibility to me; a lot of people talked about it, and I figured it would be the same, just with a baby.
UKJN: What information or advice do you wish you’d received but didn’t (and had to learn through trial and error or on the go)?
MG: Rest is paramount and no one will forget you if you take time off. You can still accomplish things as a mother, and in the end, the baby years fly by and then you have a little human being around who makes life better but doesn’t wake you up all night anymore (most of the time). I think there’s so much emphasis on doing it all, being super-productive; to me that’s not what life is about. It’s okay to take time off; my feeling is that introspection makes my life richer in the end, and thus my music as well.
Another piece of advice: it’s okay to be supported and to not be able to do it all yourself. Ask for what you need, as clearly as you can, and as early as you can, before it becomes emotionally charged. Motherhood is not a sprint, it’s a marathon. Whenever you think you got it, your child changes, their needs change, and yours do too, so try and fill up your rest and relaxation tank any moment you can.
Also! This is about to do lists. I keep a master to-do list of everything I need to do because the mental space things occupy is huge. However, here’s how not to be depressed when looking at your list: you take 2-3 items on the list, every day, and put them on your “today to do list”. This way after you are done with them you know you are done, instead of thinking about the million things you still have to do.
A couple more things: in my experience the best thing I can do is set up time to do my creative practice as early in the day as possible. Practice in the morning. Deprioritize everything that’s not creative; if you miss it you can still do it tomorrow. Also, I don’t work after my kid goes to sleep unless it’s some punctual urgent thing. After his bedtime, I’m either resting, doing something fun, or sleeping.
UKJN: Your top tip(s) for other mothers in jazz:
MG: Rest, relax, live and let live. It’s the same thing as life. Things aren’t gonna be perfect. Be honest about what you need and try to allow yourself the right to be tired, to ask for things, to be supported. If you have a child under 5, it’s almost impossible for you to be lazy, by definition. So try and make time for yourself, time to rest and have fun, and not just go from working to motherhing. Prepare a time to gather yourself as you go from one to the next- at the end of the gig or the tour, have a couple hours before you re-enter your home life; before you start teaching a class, take 15 minutes to drink some tea and regroup, etc. Try to get into a habit of preparing time for yourself to just be. I find that after around 3 years of age, children care more about quality time than quantity of hours spent together.
UKJN Baby/child gear tips for travel/touring/gigging:
MG: If you can, breastfeed. It makes life easier when traveling, with less stuff to carry. I try to always keep it light. You will always need water and some food. A change for your child. I ask for toys wherever I go, so I only bring very basic toys and his favorite book. A stroller is always good because even if you don’t put your child in it, you can put your stuff in it, and airlines let you gate check it, usually.
If traveling solo with a toddler or baby, you need a baby carrier so you can get on the plane, because no one will help you carry all your stuff with your baby onto the plane (unless you’re not in the Western world; in the US and in Europe no one interacts with you at boarding, usually).
You have a right to preboard when you are pregnant, even before you’re showing. A lot of airports have playgrounds; some trains also have a dedicated wagon for children with toys, etc.
UKJN: Best general travel/gigging/tour-with-child advice:
MG: Let go of control. Things aren’t gonna be perfect, but if you accept that, they will go a lot smoother. If you are interrupted by your child during performance, rehearsal, practice, or composing, take 3 seconds to regroup before you re-enter your music making environment. Just take those few seconds to focus again and take a breath before you go back in. Also have a trusted and experienced friend or professional you can call when you encounter something new or frightening while traveling; sometimes babies get sick while traveling, and before I understood how to be autonomous, I had a great pediatrician I could call and she helped me several times. No one gives you a user’s manual for your child and when it’s the first and you’re unsure what to do, it’s important to know where you can turn for help.
UKJN: What has surprised you about becoming a parent and remaining engaged with your professional activities and ambitions?
MG: I am still in awe at the fact that I didn’t sleep a full night of sleep for 2.5 years and still worked and did so many things. The way I engaged with motherhood was very hands-on and it’s amazing how my body adapted; however in the future when I have more children I will definitely get more help and rest more. In hindsight, I feel that being a parent has only helped me become a better human and musician.
UKJN: What boundaries have you set for yourself as a mother in jazz (could be related to travel/touring, riders, personal parameters, child care decisions, etc.)?
MG: I won’t work somewhere where my child is denied access. Also, I set 3 consecutive months apart per year where I don’t travel. I took my child everywhere until he was 3, and now I only take him when I’m staying somewhere for a few days, because I have the option to leave him home with his father and I consider that one flight per day is too much for a child.
For her most recent album, “Anohin”, María decided to explore motherhood and pregnancy through the birth of her first child in a musical and creative way. The digital duo recording features pianist Marta Sánchez and was released on Biophilia Records in March 2024.
(*) Mothers in Jazz was started by vocalist Nicky Schrire. The initiative aims to create an online resource for working jazz musicians with children, those contemplating parenthood, and jazz industry figures who work with and hire musicians who are parents. The insight of the musicians interviewed for this series provides valuable emotional, philosophical and logistical information and support that is easily accessible to all. “Mothers In Jazz” shines a light on the very specific role of being both a mother and a performing jazz musician.
